Charity stores are weird and wonderful treasure coves. We’ve all the heard the stories of people walking in, a few dollars in hand, and then emerging with a bargain that turns out to be worth thousands (sometimes more!). The reality of most charity shop’s offerings, however, consists of little more than what people simply don’t want – that, or the possessions of someone who’s passed away and decided to be kind in their will.
But, as the old saying goes, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure and that certainly proved to be the case for Reddit user iguanamouth. After taking a stroll around a Goodwill store, an old children’s toy caught their eye and piqued their curiosity. It consisted of an egg which promised to grow a baby, and – putting how biologically inaccurate that is to the side for the moment – it was guaranteed to be an interesting purchase.
On the subject of growing babies, does anyone remember the jelly alien fad from the late nineties? If you’re a millennial, you definitely will, and if you were anything like me, you wholeheartedly believed the rumors that if you rubbed two of these gooey alien’s backs together and put them in the freezer, they would make a baby. Well, someone recently put this rumor to the test to discover whether or not there was any truth to it…
This is what happened when these quintessential 90s toys were put to the test:
Anyway, back to the story at hand, iguanamouth decided to document exactly what happened when they tried to use their new baby toy on Reddit and the result was unexpected, to say the least. After doing a little research on this toy, we discovered that toys like this actually date as far back as the early sixties and use superabsorbent polymer technology, which allows various shapes to quadruple in size when placed in water.
“[About] a week ago i found this in a goodwill, one of those ‘grow in water’ toys but there’s no pictures of what might be inside besides the awful baby clipart, and i am insanely curious about whats actually in the egg.
“15 hour adventure starting now, (sic)” iguanamouth wrote, opening their Reddit post which they framed like a scientific experiment.
This was accompanied by a picture of the Grow Babies toy, which promised to be “Amusing!”, “Funny” and “Novel!”.
Following the toy’s instructions to a tee, iguanamouth placed the egg in water and waited.
Then, after a considerable amount of time, something happened. “[Nine] hours in and there is a crack on the egg, i repeat, crack on the egg,” they wrote.
This commentary was accompanied by a picture of the cracked egg, which, as you can tell, resembles something which looks more likely to birth a dinosaur than a baby. You can see why these toys were popular with kids – they certainly build up a lot of suspense.
It was at this point that other Reddit users began to speculate about what was inside the egg. “[What] if it’s really not a baby and it’s a turd” wrote gtfoyourcomputer. Right, while I’m willing to accept the possibility that it’s not a baby, a turd? Really? Nope.
Despite this crude suggestion, the good-humored iguanamouth simply replied, “WELL WE GON FIND OUT”.
While the egg took nine hours to show any sign of change, it was even longer before something else happened…
“[Hour] 23 WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT
THE EGG CONTAINED SOME KIND OF ELDRITCH MONSTROSITY THAT IS NOW A BABY ABORT MISSION ABORT ABORT,” wrote a horrified iguanamouth alongside a picture which showed something which looked nothing like a baby emerging.
Is it just us or does this “baby” look like a piece of tempura? It’s enough to put anyone off Japanese food for a while.
Unable to wait for the baby to naturally emerge from the egg any longer, iguanamouth took apart the shell and was left stunned.
“I JUST WENT AHEAD AND TOOK IT APART,” they wrote in all caps.
There are absolutely no words for the baby that they were left with – if it can even be called a baby.
Unable to even describe the baby, iguanamouth simply wrote, “OH”.
At this point, iguanamouth probably thought that the situation couldn’t get any worse, but it did.
Once the baby was completely taken out of its shell, its entire monstrous body was revealed for the first time – including its shriveled bottom.
“HOLY P*SSING HELL,” wrote iguanamouth, still unable to find the words to describe their discovery.
One of the reasons that love children love to play with baby toys is because they are cute and adorable. They are also a good way of teaching them about the circle of life, and, if their parents are so inclined, how to look after any future brothers or sisters.
Any children who ended up with a baby like this, however, might be left seriously disturbed. Yes, those are little breasts.
A shocked iguanamouth ultimately described their discovery with two words: “MY CHILD”.
Understandably, the post received a considerable amount of attention on Reddit, and to date, it has had almost half a million notes.
“‘Abort’ changes connotations slightly in this context,” remarked Reddit user nattfilm.
Some Reddit users decided to joke about how terrifying the baby is.
“‘Mother, why do you scream?'” wrote johnzaku.
In fact, the creepy baby toy even opened up comments about a very adult topic.
“Even pro-lifers would wanna abort that… after birth,” added LlamaLing.
But one thing that ultimately became apparent on Reddit was that few people thought that the toy looked like a baby at all.
“Oh god, lumpy, migget Buddha just grew out of an egg! (sic) ” remarked ThePlainDoll.
Some people had a lot to say about its disproportionate features too.
“Your baby is giving you the circle finger,” wrote londonerdanny.
Hilariously, someone even imagined a parent’s reaction to seeing their child with a toy this terrifying.
“‘Put that thing back where it came from or so help me…..'” joked epicmedicalwasted.
One thing’s for sure – this story is a testament to the fact that while toys don’t come with a sell-by date like food, they probably should. So the next time you’re in a Goodwill and see a toy that involves water or the addition of anything else for that matter, it’s a good idea to steer well clear of it if you’re planning to give it to an actual child. But if you’re wanting to keep it for yourself and conduct a science experiment, go right ahead!