Over the years, numerous cinematic endeavours have been called “the worst movie ever made.” We’d like to believe that our artistic endeavours are only getting more sophisticated, and yet god knows that isn’t true. Ever since Tinsel Town’s inception, Hollywood has been churning out stinker after stinker in its desperate, money-grubbing attempts to make a quick buck.
Over the decades, there have been some right turkeys. From the B-movie disaster “Plan 9 From Outer Space” by Ed Wood (I always wonder what happened to the other eight) to Tommy Wiseau’s bizarre romantic-tragedy trainwreck The Room (which is about to get something of a remake starring James Franco as Wiseau himself). Or think about some of the awful sequels we’ve seen hit the big screen: Troll 2, or Son of the Mask.
Some of these movies are so bad they’re good, like the above Howard the Duck, a Marvel movie about an anthropomorphic duck from another dimension that somehow manages to be even worse in practice than it sounds in theory. Then there are some movies which are just so bad their horrible, where they can’t even be mocked or enjoyed ironically, and all the fun of watching something stupid and ill-conceived is replaced with tedium and joylessness. Still, I’ve never, in all my years, actually heard a film reviewer outside of certain fundamentalist religious sects actually call a movie “evil” before.
Yet that’s exactly what some movie reviews are calling The Emoji movie – an animated feature starring anthropomorphic text characters that nobody asked for an nobody wanted. The film currently has an astonishing rating of exactly zero percent on movie rating site Rotten Tomatoes, which makes the whole production so toxic that even the vultures wont touch it.
Within hours of the movie’s premiere, the reviews slating the Emoji Movie began pouring in. Currently, based on 28 separate reviews, no-one on Rotten Tomatoes has enjoyed this film. But most reviewers aren’t so much insulted by the direction, cast and execution of the movie, (although don’t worry, they have plenty of bile reserved just for those aspects alone) but the sheer immorality of a feature movie which seems designed to peddle apps to easily-enticed kids.
Directed by Tony Leondis, and starring T.J. Miller, Anna Faris, James Corden and Patrick Stewart, the plot synopsis according to Sony states, “The Emoji Movie unlocks the never-before-seen secret world inside your smartphone. Hidden within the messaging app is Textopolis, a bustling city where all your favorite emojis live, hoping to be selected by the phone’s user.
In this world, each emoji has only one facial expression – except for Gene, an exuberant emoji who was born without a filter and is bursting with multiple expressions.” Gene goes on an “app-venture” (seriously) to try and become normal like the other emojis.
Writing for The New York Post, Johnny Oleksinski stated, “Please restore my eyes to factory settings. They have seen The Emoji Movie, a new exercise in soulless branding, aimed primarily at little kids.” Meanwhile Charles Bramesco from The Guardian wrote:
“The Emoji Movie is a force of insidious evil,” he wrote, “a film that feels as if it was dashed off by an uninspired advertising executive … However, the most disturbing part of this toxic film is the way it infects audiences with its ugly cynicism. A viewer leaves The Emoji Movie a colder person, not only angry at the film for being unconscionably bad, but resentful of it for making them feel angry.”
Hopefully though this overwhelmingly negative response will kill any chance of a sequel stone dead, and deter other directors from making movies like it. I know I’m not the only other guy who doesn’t want to have to sit through “iPhone Lockscreen: The Movie” in the near future.